Express yourself

From day one we are taught that we should express our feelings and thoughts freely. In this way you can say what you have in mind to your friends, for example. They can give you a piece of advice what you should do in a certain situation or, as it is in my case, boost your self-confidence and make you believe that you are worth it.

I've noticed that for me the best way to express myself is to write. And this does include every kind of writing - the blog publications are my favourite, of course, but I also like to write poetry and prose. Unfortunately, recently I have had the-so-called writer's block - this is the condition in which a writer loses the ability to produce a new work. I have not written a decent blog post for ages and I think that is what has made me really stressed. It is not like I have showed it anyhow to the people around me because in a way I have not understood it myself. Until now. I realised that I really miss my writing - it kept me going in really hard times and I believe that it is part of who I am. It cannot be torn apart from me because in this way I will lose a significant part of myself. I do not want that. So, I decided to write again and keep myself together.

It is incredible what things can inspire me to write. In this case it was a really fun night out with two of my dearest friends and my boyfriend. A night that started just as a way to say goodbye to another friend and finished as one of the greatest nights of my life. Why? Because it revealed to me that I have incredibly smart and wise friends. It showed me that they possess characteristics that I have never even dreamt of being possible for them to possess. On the other side, however, I realised something very important for myself as well - I have the opportunity to do what I want. Nobody is forcing me to do something that I don't like. This is like the most important gift that my parents can give me - the freedom of choice what I want to be and what path I should take. What kind of life I will lead. I am sure that I am not ready yet to determine what kind of person I am or want to be but I am sure that writing definetely has to be part of me and my life.

I know that the future is waiting for me and I have plenty of time to enjoy my life and do what I love. One of the greatest authors of all, Earnest Hemingway, has said: “There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” This captures perfectly my thoughts about writing - it gives you the opportunity to let out your most intimate thoughts and emotions and be the person you want to be. The only thing that can stop you from being a writer is self-doubt. You can write about anything that happens in your life - that is what the blogs are all about. You just have to have the courage to write about it and the creativity and imagination to improvise. At the end the worst enemy for the writer is the writer himself/herself.

“Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.” 

E.L. Doctorow

The Lost Wife by Alyson Richman: Review

It would not be an exxageration to say that this was the book I was waiting for all my life. I have read numerous other books on the same topic, which is the powerful force of real true love which can change lives and destinies. Because, let's face the fact: I am a hopeless romantic who will burst into tears every time I read a good love story. This novel was a waaay different.

The reasons? They are endless. First and foremost, the novel tackles one of my favourite history periods - World War Two. I just love to research this topic finding as much new information as I can. I want to enrich my knowledge in the Holocaust which tears my heart every time with the heartbreaking personal stories of the millions Jews killed in the concentration camps. And when a book represents the true events happened to a girl, Lenka, living in one of those camps I just cannot put away the novel. It captures me with such a force that I simply cannot go to sleep. This book was the cause of my latest book hangover.

Secondly, the storyline is presented from the perspectives of both the protagonists - Lenka and Joseph in alternating chapters. This way the author prevented her readers to draw conclusions simply by just one perspective. We glimpse into the lives both of Lenka, whose chapters are dedicated to her difficult past in the Terezin ghetto and later on in Auschwitz, and of Joseph, whose narrative shows us how his unconditional love for Lenka haunts his marriage with his second wife in America. Both narratives were powerful, but I found myself enjoying Lenka’s chapters more as they provided a more continuous timeline of events.

Last but not least, Richman's language ... I rarely find someone's way of saying things so magnetic. There were times that I caught myself thinking that this woman is able to come up with some extraordinary metaphors and similes:

“I had to teach myself that love was very much like a painting. The negative space between people was just as important as the positive space we occupy. The air between our resting bodies, and the breath in our conversations, were all like the white of the canvas, and the rest our relationship- the laughter and the memories- were the brushstroke applied over time.”

Alyson Richman has created a heart-wrenching story. A story that will stay with me for really a long time. It is the most incredibly written love story that I have ever read. It is so amazing that I was really sorry that it came to an end. Therefore, I am sure that I will re-read it!

the spring of our winter

Well, I am not exactly a blogger who writes at regular intervals, but when I feel the urge to do so, I really have to post a new thing here. Recently, I have been dealing with this urge and I really wanted to share some stuff but thanks to my amazing first exam session at the university  this is almost impossible. But today I found some free time between my exams and here I am, finally available to write. :)

As I said I have been up to my neck with work recently due to the fact that I have an exam every other day. Fortunately, and to my surprise, I did manage to pass successfully three of them and actually all of them with A-s. And the biggest surprise of all is that I confronted my fear of having to pass an oral exam in Theory of Literature. The exam was yesterday and I was really paralyzed and I was even thinking about not attending the exam at all. The other students were all around me, trying desperately to read something five minutes before entering that awful room and everybody was asking questions about the topics and I was like - I don't know anything, what is he/she talking about? And after the first ones came out of the room and told us how did the exam go, I had made my mind to go home and come back again the following day (since we have two dates of the exam). Then I called my boyfriend, who God knows how managed to calm me down and make me do this shit! So I did it! The topic which I had to talk about was really ok and I had so much information to tell the teacher so he was forced to interrupt me at some point and tell me that there are other students outside who were still waiting and I have to stop. (hahaha) I passed the exam with an excellent grade.

Other than that yesterday was my day to relax. I thought that I deserve it and my next exam is like four days from now so I have time just to sit and do the things I love. For example, yesterday I cooked dinner for my boyfriend and (again one more surprise!) it really came to be a delicious meal. This morning I stayed in bed until 10 am and read one of the books which is waiting for me almost a month now. ("What Alice Forgot" by Liane Moriarty) Definetely will write a post about it after I finish it. Plus, I cleaned our home, a thing which I had to do like a couple of days ago but my Theory of Literature kept me from actually doing it. Apart from all this, today I will focus on my boyfriend because I think he have been put aside recently and he does not deserve it at all. I will see what I can  do. :) 

I really really want this exam session to be over. If only I could blink and it could be like this time next week and everything is over... Unfortunately, it is never that simple and I better start studying for my next exam...


                                                                                                     


Честно казано не съм блогър, който пише често, но когато почувствам желанието да го направя, просто трябва да го направя. Напоследък доста често ме сполетяваше това желание и исках да споделя някои неща, но заради прекрасната ми първа изпитна сесия в университета, да напиша нещо тук става почти невъзможно. Но днес ми се отвори малко свободно време и ето ме тук, способна да пиша :)

Както казах напоследък съм много заета, поради факта, че имам изпит през ден. За щастие и изненадващо за мен, успях да изкарам отлични оценки на три от тях. А най-голямата изненада беше, че успях да преборя страха си от това да се явя на устния ми изпит по Теория на литературата. Изпитът беше вчера и аз бях толкова парализирана, че даже си мислех да се откажа и да не явя изобщо. Колегите ми бяха около мен и отчаяно се опитваха да прочетат нещо пет минути преди да влязат в онази ужасна стая и всички задаваха въпроси върху конспекта, а аз просто седях и си казвах, Боже, аз не знам нищо, за какво говори той/тя? И след като първите няколко души излязоха от залата и ни разказаха как протича самия изпит, аз просто бях решила - щях да се прибера вкъщи и да се явя на другия ден (тъй като имахме две дати за изпита). Тогава се обадих на Калоян и кой знае как той успя да ме успокои, да ми вдъхне кураж и аз просто да се явя. И аз го направих. Темата, която ми се падна наистина беше добра и аз имах толкова много неща, които исках да кажа, че накрая преподавателя беше принуден да ме прекъсне и да ми каже, че отвън чакат още хора и за това трябва просто да спра. (хахаха) Изкарах изпита с отлична оценка.

Като оставим сесията настрана, вчера ми беше деня за почивка. Помислих си, че го заслужавам, а и следващият ми изпит е след четири дни, така че имам време да се отдам на нещата, които обичам да правя. Например снощи сготвих вечеря за Калоян и (още една голяма изненада) се получи доста добре. Сутринта се излежавах до 10 часа и четох една от книгите, които просто ме чакат. ("What Alice Forgot" от Liane Moriarty) Определно ще отделя нова публикация за нея, когато намеря време да я допрочета. Освен това почистих вкъщи, нещо, което трябваше да направя преди няколко дни, но Теория на литературата просто не ми го позволяваше. И също така днес съм решила да се фокусирам върху Калоян, тъй като в последните няколко дни той беше оставян настрана, а определено не го заслужава. Ще видя какво мога да направя по въпроса. :)

Наистина много ми се иска тази сесия просто да свърши вече. Само ако можеше просто с едно мигване вече да е другата седмица по това време, когато всичко вече ще е приключило... За нещастие, никога не толкова просто и за това е по-добре да започна да уча за следващия изпит...

let me introduce you to ...

... my amazing boyfriend! 

Много пъти съм писала за него в блога си, но никога не съм го назовавала с името му, За мен той е най-скъпото мишле... Калоян.

Три години вече сме заедно, но това време не ми стига. Искам да прекарам живота си с него, във веселите моменти, но и в тъжните. Вярвам, че всеки човек си има определна съдба, която се определя не от самите нас, ние не можем да я контролираме. Когато се събуждам до теб сутрин и те погледна в очите, разбирам за пореден път, че точно ти си моята съдба. Знам, че ни е писано да сме заедно, колкото и клиширано да звучи. 

Ако някой ме попита защо съм се влюбила в теб и защо продължавам да те обичам вече толкова време, просто не знам от къде да започна, за да структурирам отговора си. Сега те гледам и осъзнавам, че най-малкото нещо, което правиш или което казваш ме кара да се влюбя в теб отново и отново. Дори когато си приготвяш сандвич. Дори когато просто ме избутваш от мивката и започваш ти да миеш чиниите. Дори когато режеш киселите краставички на малки кръгчета и ги слагаш в страхотната ни зелена купичка. Дори когато търсиш филм да гледаме тази вечер. Когато ме разбираш с поглед. Когато изяждаме цял шоколад, ей така просто докато вървим към вкъщи. Когато ми се усмихваш и аз знам, че вече всичко е наред. Че нищо не може да ме сломи и аз мога да победя всички.

Това е Калоян.

Калоян е момчето на мечтите ми. Което ме разсмива всяка минута и винаги може да ми оправи настроението, дори когато навън е мъгливо. Той е всичко, от което имам нужда рано сутрин, на обяд и вечерта. Когато си приготвяме заедно вечерята и пием вино. 

Това е Калоян. Моята сбъдната мечта.